who am i?

Seriously? Who am I? I walked away from this weekend realizing I am:
a woman

a board member for an arts non-for-profit

living in San Francisco, in a fantastic apartment

a friend, with great friends


a muse!


throwing caution to the wind, and looking forward to seeing my family this weekend


feeling like I cannot contain my life force, that I need to create


but what?


not children


I've printed out two full seminars in Experimental Critical Theory and bought more reading material than I can get through even if I read full time in Paris.


I am going to PARIS!


I stay up until two in the morning writing


what is now the making of a porno, or erotic fiction for the pc crowd


I can smile at the past


and not regret it


and strong enough to live in the present


SO


I felt it


the jealousy


the accusation of my FABULOUS life


and that's when I realized that, yes,

I do have a fabulous life!

turtle shell

I have this image of a turtle shell with a ribbon sticking out for one to pull. Attached is a double sided picture of me, like a paper doll. Do I dress her? Perhaps it has grommets for the joints and the internal position is the fetus position and as you pull her out she straightens out.

I looked it up. Where does one buy a turtle shell? I tried to buy one once at Shotwell, but it wasn't for sale and the guy at the register told me to go to Chinatown and let the turtle die and keep the shell. "They're really cheap," he said smiling. He looked a bit like Sebastian Bach (So embarrassed that I know that). Kind of freaked me out and I haven't thought about it for a while, until now.

Google pointed me to the obvious, eBay. That freaked me out too. I remembered Paxton Gate. Taxidermy squirrels and mice with angel wings available, but no turtle shells. Back to eBay. Filter on taxidermy. Do I want a male or female shell? I don't know. Some specify sanitized. Apparently I need a sanitized one. Most are sliders. Are those pet turtles? I looked through the pictures on a few and realized I cannot buy it online. I need to touch it.